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The first post. Everyone has one. At least, I'd assume so. You can't really start at post number two, and you can't start at a negative post count, can you? It's a long one. You have been warned.

Got my lunch in the oven. It's one of those Amy's frozen meals. Mexican casserole. I think that's probably my favorite of the bunch. It's become a comfort food of sorts, I think.

The depression seems to have been flaring up lately. Not quite sure what to do about it. My husband just started a new job, so the old insurance ended but the new insurance hasn't started. I don't think I'm quite stable enough to start a new job, but I want to. I worry that the depression will lead to me buckling under any sort of pressure put on me though. But, at the same time, I keep seesawing. I keep thinking "No, I *can* do this. I can make it." The depression sometimes comes into my head without warning. It's like a lightning strike, it's crippling and out of nowhere and it scorches everything around it. It will leave me dazed and unable to function for a period of time, and then I'll recover and try to get back to what I was doing, and then WHAM! I'm hit again. I can't go to a therapist right now, no insurance. I can't get my meds adjusted, no insurance. I feel like I'm stuck at an impasse. I really don't know what to do.

And then, of course, you get all of the well-meaning people who think they know the magic cure.

"You need to get out more!"

"Try getting more Vitamin D/Vitamin B12/Omega 3!"

"Get on a regular sleep schedule!"

"Try going vegeterian/vegan!"

"You need Jesus!" (Always a favorite. If He didn't help me when I was Catholic, why would He help me now?)

Oh, and the (always anonymous) people who *really* want to help.

"It's all in your head."

"Get over it. You're not really sick, you just want people to feel sorry for you."

"You're just lazy."

"You don't look sick."

"You're faking."

"You're just trying to get out of work/school/[insert responsibility here]"

"[Insert shady "research"] says that your illness isn't real. GET OVER IT!"

OK, ok, I'm done bitching for now, I promise. Sometimes I just need to get some of the grump out of my system, I think.

Other posts in this journal will detail my experiences with Paganism, Witchcraft, the Otherkin community and being Otherkin, ghost hunting, paranormal stuff, and all kinds of things. I welcome questions and am more than happy to answer them.

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foxes_and_fireflies

February 2014

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