foxes_and_fireflies: (Default)
I'm on a roll!

Well, not really. Three posts isn't that big of a deal. Is it?

Having a really late lunch today. Another Amy's Mexican Casserole Bowl. These things are AMAZING, and if you have not tried one, I highly suggest you do.

I discovered a new game on my phone that has become absolutely addicting. It's on Android (don't know if it's on iPhone) and it's called "Hellfire". The actual "battles" are similar to a lot of paper toss games, if you've ever played those. You build a deck of creatures, you evolve them, strengthen them, and utilize their elements to do battle. The artwork is incredible, it's all high fantasy based. Nothing about it is cutesy at all. The elements they use are fire, earth, water, and death, which I thought was an interesting combo. I only downloaded the game at first because it was going to give me bonus points in another game I played. Now I'm completely hooked.

Depression has been getting a bit better. I think the approach of spring has helped quite a bit. The weather is warmer, there's a bit more sun to be had.

Now, I am off to take a luxurious shower, and perhaps go out to dinner with my husband ^_^
foxes_and_fireflies: (Default)
So I've made a conscious decision to try to take control of my life again. I'm realizing more and more that things have spiraled out of control. I've spent too much time on my couch with my cats, in front of my computer or watching Netflix. Although, Netflix really has saved me. When my migraines get bad I have to take migraine medicine. Though it takes care of the headache I can't drive, so leaving the house isn't an option. I can't really function to do much else, so... Netflix it is. However, this has been a double-edged sword, as Netflix has also become a crutch when my depression has gotten out of hand and I find that my day consists of "Wake up. Come downstairs. Sit on couch. Open laptop. Turn on TV. Marathon random series on Netflix while surfing Tumblr." Taking control is going to be a slow process, but I feel it can be done. I look back to the way I used to be. I think I can get back there again. More on that later.

Yesterday I was able to do the dishes. Today, though I had a migraine, I was able to get a load of laundry done. I'm about to dye my hair which is something I've put off too long. I think the last time I colored it was... October? I usually keep it red, but with my depression it's really hard to keep the motivation to do anything. On top of that, hunching over the tub to wash out the dye is really not appealing when I'm dealing with neck, back, and knee pain from my fibro. Going to get it professionally done hasn't been an option because getting the motivation to leave the house has been difficult to say the least. I can maybe motivate myself to make an appointment, but when the day comes closer, I will eventually find an excuse to cancel it.

So, off to dye the hairs. Wish me luck! :)
foxes_and_fireflies: (Default)
The first post. Everyone has one. At least, I'd assume so. You can't really start at post number two, and you can't start at a negative post count, can you? It's a long one. You have been warned.

Got my lunch in the oven. It's one of those Amy's frozen meals. Mexican casserole. I think that's probably my favorite of the bunch. It's become a comfort food of sorts, I think.

The depression seems to have been flaring up lately. Not quite sure what to do about it. My husband just started a new job, so the old insurance ended but the new insurance hasn't started. I don't think I'm quite stable enough to start a new job, but I want to. I worry that the depression will lead to me buckling under any sort of pressure put on me though. But, at the same time, I keep seesawing. I keep thinking "No, I *can* do this. I can make it." The depression sometimes comes into my head without warning. It's like a lightning strike, it's crippling and out of nowhere and it scorches everything around it. It will leave me dazed and unable to function for a period of time, and then I'll recover and try to get back to what I was doing, and then WHAM! I'm hit again. I can't go to a therapist right now, no insurance. I can't get my meds adjusted, no insurance. I feel like I'm stuck at an impasse. I really don't know what to do.

And then, of course, you get all of the well-meaning people who think they know the magic cure.

"You need to get out more!"

"Try getting more Vitamin D/Vitamin B12/Omega 3!"

"Get on a regular sleep schedule!"

"Try going vegeterian/vegan!"

"You need Jesus!" (Always a favorite. If He didn't help me when I was Catholic, why would He help me now?)

Oh, and the (always anonymous) people who *really* want to help.

"It's all in your head."

"Get over it. You're not really sick, you just want people to feel sorry for you."

"You're just lazy."

"You don't look sick."

"You're faking."

"You're just trying to get out of work/school/[insert responsibility here]"

"[Insert shady "research"] says that your illness isn't real. GET OVER IT!"

OK, ok, I'm done bitching for now, I promise. Sometimes I just need to get some of the grump out of my system, I think.

Other posts in this journal will detail my experiences with Paganism, Witchcraft, the Otherkin community and being Otherkin, ghost hunting, paranormal stuff, and all kinds of things. I welcome questions and am more than happy to answer them.

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foxes_and_fireflies

February 2014

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